I'm all up in your business.

Sometimes I drive around and wonder why people name their businesses what they do. I can't understand sometimes. Let's just give a few examples, shall we?

Tickles
Expectation: Some kind of strip club for minors?
Reality: Greek restaurant in Holladay. Yes, it absolutely is as creepy as it sounds-at least from the outside. You guys, I can't just be eating in a place that's called "Tickles". And just try to tell me you don't picture all of the patrons in hospital gowns. I don't know why, it just seems logical. It's the kind of establishment you think Kim Jong Il might run.
Side Note: I had a friend in high school who we called "Benny Tickles". That is the best nickname ever.

Majestic Lube

Expectation: Whatever it is, it has about the same amount of creepiness as Candy Mountain from Charlie the Unicorn.
Reality: Oil Changery in the Fort Union area...somewhere east of Target (side note: everything in the Fort Union area can be measured by its proximity to Target). You guys, let's be real. There is nothing MAJESTIC about an oil change.

Creme De Bakery:
Expectation: You might assume you're in for french pastries and cursive penmanship and roses and all kinds of girly nonsense.
Reality: You're in for unfamiliar asian cuisine (that is filled with beans for some reason) and cheesecake. Serious. Those are the only things they serve there.


Taffy Towne:
Expectation: It's going to be exactly like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and you'll be sliding down a laffy taffy waterslide into a cotton candy pool! Well look think kids, you're wrong. DEAD WRONG.
Reality: Have you ever seen Taffy Town? So I've never been "inside" or "up close". I can tell you this-there's no way that place isn't a secret hide-out for super-villains. You know, like on Batman when The Joker takes up residence at the old, abandoned toy factory and starts cranking out dolls that are stuffed with crack. That's just what happens in places like this.

I just don't know, you guys.

The Crazy Case of the Cross-Crotch


Someone please explain to me why the designers of "Sinful" swimwear have decided to become so reckless in their placement of glittering crosses? It's ridiculous. On the bright side-my pal Cody decided that, to secretly announce the arrival of a Hottie Mom, we can use the code of "looks like someone's got a crazy case of the cross-crotch". Indeed we can.

4:00PM: Vowed to go home early and start writing a talk, in order to be done by at least 9:00PM.

5:30ish PM: Got off work.

6:00PM-9:30PM: Wasted time.

9:30PM-1:15AM (present): Started writing talk, funned around on the interweb, downloaded some music from the CD "80 Great Movie Themes" (I don't know either, so don't ask), continued writing talk...

Projected Time to Finish Talk: 2:30ish AM?

9:00AM: Present talk in Sacrament Meeting.

Well done, Catherine.

You Know You're a UVU Student When (and yes, this is based off of real-life experience)...

• Your upper-division Race and Minority Relations Professor just asked you to type a one-page paper on the history of hot dogs.


• You are offered extra credit in English 1010 if you wear orange, black or brown on Halloween.


• You get to class and your teacher has written on the board "All late assignments, up to this point, need to be turned in by Friday or you will only receive 80% of the credit"...this is halfway through the semester.


• Your Astronomy teacher tells you not to worry about asteroids attacking the earth, because our first line of defense is Bruce Willis.


• Preparation for finals means renting the Bon Losse Hair Academy girls to come give massages in the Hall of Flags.


• During group presentations in your Communications class, one group begins by singing the Primary "turn your frown into a smile" song, while holding smiley-face masks in front of their faces. They got an A-.


• Your Communications 1010 teacher has a resume that includes "Professional Clown".


• Your 7 Habits of Highly Effective People class accidentally turned into a testimony meeting.


• If you're hungry, you know that someone is bound to be handing out free popcorn somewhere on campus. No one knows why. It just happens.


• It's election time in the business hall. As you are walking past the booths, you hear one of the candidates yell "Vote for Team HOT!" Because that's what qualifies them for office.

This post will be done in installments. This is just the first. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know.

*Disclaimer: I like UVU. Situations like these are not an every day occurrence, but when they do come up...it is a real treat.

Hizappy Birthdizzle

Today is Keith Elison's birthday! I chose this cake for the occasion because Keith is built on a firm "foundation", much like this fondant barn. And like these wide-eyed "ponies", peeking out of the fence, "Keith" has a curiosity and zest for life (if you didn't understand that, it's just because you didn't grow up in the Elison house. And that is just TOO bad).

One of my favorite things about Keith is that every time he meets a celebrity, he has a really good story to tell about it. Like when he met Latoya Jackson on an airplane and, after chatting her up, moon-walked back to his seat. Or like the time he saw Carol Mikita in a ride line at Disney Land and proclaimed "Carol Mikita?! This really IS the happiest place on earth!" Or, like that time he saw Quentin Terrentino at Sundance and, after a long conversation with him, told him he'd give him $20 if he named his next character after him. Fantastic.

Anyways, happy birthday, biotch. Hope it's a good one.

ALSO. Just so everyone knows, I was looking through an application at my job yesterday. Here is what I found in his employment history under "Company Products/Services":

"Family steak house...we cooked children".

WOA!

I Don't Get It

I went to a yoga class. I laughed through most of the class (don't worry, it was quiet laughter). Not because I was so shocked that half the class was male. Not because the teacher was so stereotypical that I couldn't even handle myself. Not even because at the end we had to lie down and think about our "happy place" while the instructor came around and shook out our legs. No. I was laughing because I could not understand why it was so HARD! Seriously. Look at the above picture. This is all yoga is. Sit in this pose. Turn your chest this way. Downward dog. Class is over. Now why am I sweating worse than a hooker in church? I guess I'll never know.