Thursday, March 27, 2008

Things Mormons Like {A La Stuff White People Like}






When Mormons Make it to the Finals of a Reality Show...
It's a well known fact that Mormons meet together at least 3-4 times weekly for various activities. One fact that is not so well known is this: what do mormons talk about when they get together? I'll tell you: REALITY SHOWS. Particularly when there is a Mormon in the finals. A Mormon loves nothing more than to talk about David Archuleta and/or Brook White's most recent (and brilliant) performance on American Idol, or about how Marie Osmond passed out on Dancing with the Stars and is probably having diet issues.

The BEST thing that ever happened to Mormons was Mitt Romney. They love to talk about hos Mitt Romney was-and still is-the BEST candidate (ok, so the presidential election is not a reality show but...it sure seems like it). Further more, Mormons are always convinced that the Latter Day Saint contestant is ALWAYS the BEST contestant. It doesn't matter if the person in question is a complete idiot. They are Mormon, dang it, and that alone should qualify them for a win!

If you are ever talking to a Mormon about one of their "brothers" or "sisters" in a reality show, do not EVER suggest that they like the contestant soley because of their faith. This will get you know where fast with a Mormon. They will become deeply offended and then read off a list of all the reasons their favorite reality star is perfect in every way (this is a long and ridiculous list that you could do without-trust me). On the flip side, during one of these conversations, it is always helpful to say something to this effect: "You know, I can't help but notice that (insert reality star's name here) has something different about them. They just light up the whole show!" or "(reality star's name) is setting such a great example for the youth of today-I'm so glad so many Americans can look up to him/her!". These statements are especially impactful if you are non-Mormon. That will let the Mormon you are speaking with know that you are probably going to be ripe and ready for baptism in the next few weeks. Don't be surprised if the missionaries show up on your doorstep.


There are only two reasons why the Mormons aren't 100% thrilled when the Mormon wins the whole show. Reason 1: the reality star is not only Mormon, but gay. This means the Mormon audience is 98% thrilled and 2% nervous that Mormons have been mis-represented on television. Reason 2: the reality show is The Real World New Orleans on MTV and the star is Julie. Enough said.

5 comments:

Carly said...

i love julie. she was such a good example for the youth of our nation.

Leandra said...

work is cancelled because mitt lost.

Leia said...

Thank you so much for this post. It is so sad how accurate this topic really is. Mormon's love publicity, you know. Just trying to spread the word...

Kaitlin Reed said...

funny! ya got me laughin! did you come up with this stuff?

fry said...

GET IT! Mormons on tv!