Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Sometimes I drive around and wonder why people name their businesses what they do. I can't understand sometimes. Let's just give a few examples, shall we?
Expectation: Some kind of strip club for minors?
Reality: Greek restaurant in Holladay. Yes, it absolutely is as creepy as it sounds-at least from the outside. You guys, I can't just be eating in a place that's called "Tickles". And just try to tell me you don't picture all of the patrons in hospital gowns. I don't know why, it just seems logical. It's the kind of establishment you think Kim Jong Il might run.
Side Note: I had a friend in high school who we called "Benny Tickles". That is the best nickname ever.
Expectation: Whatever it is, it has about the same amount of creepiness as Candy Mountain from Charlie the Unicorn.
Reality: Oil Changery in the Fort Union area...somewhere east of Target (side note: everything in the Fort Union area can be measured by its proximity to Target). You guys, let's be real. There is nothing MAJESTIC about an oil change.
Expectation: You might assume you're in for french pastries and cursive penmanship and roses and all kinds of girly nonsense.
Reality: You're in for unfamiliar asian cuisine (that is filled with beans for some reason) and cheesecake. Serious. Those are the only things they serve there.
Expectation: It's going to be exactly like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and you'll be sliding down a laffy taffy waterslide into a cotton candy pool! Well look think kids, you're wrong. DEAD WRONG.
Reality: Have you ever seen Taffy Town? So I've never been "inside" or "up close". I can tell you this-there's no way that place isn't a secret hide-out for super-villains. You know, like on Batman when The Joker takes up residence at the old, abandoned toy factory and starts cranking out dolls that are stuffed with crack. That's just what happens in places like this.
I just don't know, you guys.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Who wouldn't look like a dullard next to FuN pEtEr PaN? Let's just review these characters:
See? Who would YOU rather be friends with? But consider this-what if you had to share an island with the Lost Boys? Why are they always making Indian noises and screaming and refusing to be responsible? GET A JOB, Lost Boys. Leave Captain Hook alone-he only has one hand for heaven's sake!
Anyway. This is the conclusion I've come to. Just think it over.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Listen. I've been doing some thinking and I've decided that, were I to make a horcrux (actually, several of them), this is what they would be (chosen for their ability to entrance):
Why would I choose this, you ask? I'll tell you. Because every time I read over it, the spirit of Tween Cat takes over my brain. It posesses me, just like Tom Riddle posessed Ginny Weasley. Except that, when I posess myself, I don't write blood messages on walls and release giant snakes, but rather I just allow myself to be sucked into the world of adolescent drama. You know what I mean. "We all had to go to Holzer's office today to talk about Jessica and Lacey"...or "I can't believe Julianne and Oliver kissed!" or how about..."this weekend was so awesome-we all went to Dayne's house and then walked around Somerset in our tank tops!"
When I was 11ish, some friends and I were admiring the fine jewelry at the local K-Mart when something caught our eyes, amidst the "best friend necklaces". Imagine this-a single charm with the letters P, J, R, followed by a bold !. That's it. What the crap does PJR mean? I didn't know then, I don't know now. Needless to say, we bought it and it has been in my jewelry box ever since...you know, so I don't forget my roots or something. The point is, PJR is totally going to Horcrux it up.
One of Leandra's Scarecrow Crafts
When I lived with Leandra, I'm fairly positive there were 8 (at the very least) scarecrow crafts in our living room during the months of October and November. She could spare at least one of them for my horcrux. She would make one for herself too, because she loves Harry Potter just as much as I do. Well. Almost as much. She and Jesse did think that he would die in the 7th book. But I held strong.
Laguna Beach Seasons 1-2, The Hills Seasons 1-Present
Don't act like your life hasn't been put on hold for these programs. It doesn't matter how stupid they are, you can't tear yourself away. Maybe we should make Justin Bobby a horcrux of his own because he is my favorite character.
Cafe Rio Chicken Salad:
This would be my horcrux equivalent to the "Get Out of Jail Free" card. I think I would just have this on the road to the next horcrux, so whoever is on the quest to kill me can have a little pick-me-up. Keep going! You're almost there!
Jimmy and Cath. Cath and Jimmy. For those of you who don't know, Jimmy is me (only I am a girf and he is a boy). He can probably see into my mind at night. I've decided that I have to mark him as my equal. Naturally, he will have to be the one to finish me off but, what can a girl do?
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Someone please explain to me why the designers of "Sinful" swimwear have decided to become so reckless in their placement of glittering crosses? It's ridiculous. On the bright side-my pal Cody decided that, to secretly announce the arrival of a Hottie Mom, we can use the code of "looks like someone's got a crazy case of the cross-crotch". Indeed we can.