Quote Board

Since I was a young gal at UVSC I've kept a quote book. What do I write in it? Hilarity from friends, family, teachers, and celebs. I have some favorites. I would like to list a few...

In a flamboyant English accent: "Caaaatherine! This is Dr. Johnson! You thought I was dead, but it turns out I was just in a coma!"

-Voicemail from Ryan

I'm all up in your business.

Sometimes I drive around and wonder why people name their businesses what they do. I can't understand sometimes. Let's just give a few examples, shall we?

Tickles
Expectation: Some kind of strip club for minors?
Reality: Greek restaurant in Holladay. Yes, it absolutely is as creepy as it sounds-at least from the outside. You guys, I can't just be eating in a place that's called "Tickles". And just try to tell me you don't picture all of the patrons in hospital gowns. I don't know why, it just seems logical. It's the kind of establishment you think Kim Jong Il might run.
Side Note: I had a friend in high school who we called "Benny Tickles". That is the best nickname ever.

Majestic Lube

Expectation: Whatever it is, it has about the same amount of creepiness as Candy Mountain from Charlie the Unicorn.
Reality: Oil Changery in the Fort Union area...somewhere east of Target (side note: everything in the Fort Union area can be measured by its proximity to Target). You guys, let's be real. There is nothing MAJESTIC about an oil change.

Creme De Bakery:
Expectation: You might assume you're in for french pastries and cursive penmanship and roses and all kinds of girly nonsense.
Reality: You're in for unfamiliar asian cuisine (that is filled with beans for some reason) and cheesecake. Serious. Those are the only things they serve there.


Taffy Towne:
Expectation: It's going to be exactly like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and you'll be sliding down a laffy taffy waterslide into a cotton candy pool! Well look think kids, you're wrong. DEAD WRONG.
Reality: Have you ever seen Taffy Town? So I've never been "inside" or "up close". I can tell you this-there's no way that place isn't a secret hide-out for super-villains. You know, like on Batman when The Joker takes up residence at the old, abandoned toy factory and starts cranking out dolls that are stuffed with crack. That's just what happens in places like this.

I just don't know, you guys.

For Your Consideration

I've been doing a lot of thinking and this is what I've decided: I think Captain Hook was just a regular dude.

Who wouldn't look like a dullard next to FuN pEtEr PaN? Let's just review these characters:

Peter Pan:

Occupation: None

Hobbies: Smoking peote with the "Red Man"

Hot Friends: Tinkerbell, Mermaids of Neverland, Tiger Lilly

Keeps Company With: Rufio. Rufio. Ru. Fi. Ooooooooooooooo.

Awesome Extras: Fairy Dust, endless supply of happy thoughts, crows when excited, impressive thimble collection.

Captain Hook:

Occupation: Pirate

Hobbies: Hand Recovery/Crocodile Chasing

Hot Friends: None

Keeps Company With: Smee

Awesome Extras: Owns own home/ship, supervisor for 50+ shipmates, mustache "ticks" when crocodile is within a 50 yard radius.

See? Who would YOU rather be friends with? But consider this-what if you had to share an island with the Lost Boys? Why are they always making Indian noises and screaming and refusing to be responsible? GET A JOB, Lost Boys. Leave Captain Hook alone-he only has one hand for heaven's sake!

Anyway. This is the conclusion I've come to. Just think it over.

STOP SEX TRAFFICKING OF CHILDREN AND YOUNG PEOPLE-SIGN THE PETITION

The Body Shop has several campaigns to defend human rights. One of these campaigns supports the fight against human trafficking. From The Body Shop website:

"This summer we'll be launching a petition calling upon governments to implement strict anti-trafficking policies and legislation, and dedicate more resources to help victims of trafficking. It doesn't end there. Because this is a global campaign, our objective is to join hands with thousands of other signatories around the world by taking our petitions to the United Nations in 2011."

If you support the cause, SIGN THE PETITION ONLINE. If you more than support the cause, blog/facebook/tweet about it (please). There's even a free download to help you spread the word via iphone.

If you need encouragement/want to learn more/read survivor stories-check out The Body Shop, Somaly Mam, or ECPAT to learn more.

Horcrux on the B-Rain

Listen. I've been doing some thinking and I've decided that, were I to make a horcrux (actually, several of them), this is what they would be (chosen for their ability to entrance):

Journal From Ages 12-15:

Why would I choose this, you ask? I'll tell you. Because every time I read over it, the spirit of Tween Cat takes over my brain. It posesses me, just like Tom Riddle posessed Ginny Weasley. Except that, when I posess myself, I don't write blood messages on walls and release giant snakes, but rather I just allow myself to be sucked into the world of adolescent drama. You know what I mean. "We all had to go to Holzer's office today to talk about Jessica and Lacey"...or "I can't believe Julianne and Oliver kissed!" or how about..."this weekend was so awesome-we all went to Dayne's house and then walked around Somerset in our tank tops!"

PJR Necklace:

When I was 11ish, some friends and I were admiring the fine jewelry at the local K-Mart when something caught our eyes, amidst the "best friend necklaces". Imagine this-a single charm with the letters P, J, R, followed by a bold !. That's it. What the crap does PJR mean? I didn't know then, I don't know now. Needless to say, we bought it and it has been in my jewelry box ever since...you know, so I don't forget my roots or something. The point is, PJR is totally going to Horcrux it up.

One of Leandra's Scarecrow Crafts

When I lived with Leandra, I'm fairly positive there were 8 (at the very least) scarecrow crafts in our living room during the months of October and November. She could spare at least one of them for my horcrux. She would make one for herself too, because she loves Harry Potter just as much as I do. Well. Almost as much. She and Jesse did think that he would die in the 7th book. But I held strong.

Laguna Beach Seasons 1-2, The Hills Seasons 1-Present

Don't act like your life hasn't been put on hold for these programs. It doesn't matter how stupid they are, you can't tear yourself away. Maybe we should make Justin Bobby a horcrux of his own because he is my favorite character.

Cafe Rio Chicken Salad:

This would be my horcrux equivalent to the "Get Out of Jail Free" card. I think I would just have this on the road to the next horcrux, so whoever is on the quest to kill me can have a little pick-me-up. Keep going! You're almost there!

Jimmy Fallon:

Jimmy and Cath. Cath and Jimmy. For those of you who don't know, Jimmy is me (only I am a girf and he is a boy). He can probably see into my mind at night. I've decided that I have to mark him as my equal. Naturally, he will have to be the one to finish me off but, what can a girl do?

The Music Scene. What's hot. What's not. And what I like.

Today Carly and I had a brief but interesting discussion about music. It left me inspired. And when I say "inspired", I mean ready to create another blog entry.

What's "HOT":

Mystical Indie: Forget Jenny Lewis-her time has come and gone. The new Indie is as follows-unknown artist that uses only wind chimes or fake instruments from places like Tibet or Nepal. And when I say "fake instruments" I mean just the sound of wind or maybe a running dryer. If someone has heard of the band you are listening to, it's not cool anymore.

Guilty Pleasure Towne: Gaga. Beyonce. The soundtrack to Glee Season 1. Pick one or two (any more is unacceptable). If you are listening to your Guilty Pleasure artist on the way to your friend's house, make sure to turn the dial before you get out of your car. It's always embarrassing when your friend gets in and hears "Bad Romance", even though he/she probably knows all the lyrics.

What's "NOT":

Anything on 97.1: Except for the Z Morning Zoo and your Guilty Pleasure, of course.

Owl City: WT. This is the worst band evsies.

Vampire Weekend: The Scene would have you believe that they "sold out".

What I Like:

Go to Pandora. Type in Bryan Adams. BINGO. You just found the best playlist ever. I'm so INTO Bryan Adams right now (and other artists that have the same genome). If you don't understand why, here's your answer.

Go to Pandora. Type in Judy Garland and slam dunk the funk.

Go to Pandora. Type in Regina Spektor. Note: this radio station is best on days where it is raining or in some other way whimsical.

I love the 90's. I just LOVE the 90's.

Love, Cath

Free Breadsticks

There are maybe 5 eternal truths. One of which is this: if you are female, you have, at one point in your life, flirted with the workers at Little Caeser's to get free Crazy Bread. If you haven't yet, you will. And that feeling of power is addicting-you'll want to do it every time. Not a flirter? Doesn't matter. It WILL happen.

I cannot stop thinking about the ridiculous films of the 90's (and by "ridiculous" I mean "trying so hard to be so dramatic and mystical...and in doing so, securing a place in my heart forever"). Have you ever realized how hilarious these movies are? Let me give you a list of some of my all-time favorites:

Jurassik Park

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Twister

Dances with Wolves

Mission: Impossible

The Three Musketeers

Independence Day

When was the last time you watched any of these films? If you are confused as to why I think they are funny, let me give you some ideas of what to do while you watch them (sort of like Conference BINGO in primary)...

EXAMPLE:

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Try giving some of the title characters hilar nicknames: Remember Duncan, who gets his eyes cut out? How funny is it to refer to him as "Dunker" or "Slam Dunk"? Pretty funny.

Performing a skit of some of the most dramatic moments: Remember when Robin finds out that Will Scarlet is his brother? And Will yells "OUR FATHER LOVED YOU MORE THAN ME!" Makes for a great skit.

Understand the level of skill needed to play the lead role: I'm pretty positive Kevin Costner is the same guy in every film. Which is what makes him so fantastic.

Consider the scenes that just rocked your world as a child (and are now just over-the-top): The scene at the very first where Robin almost gets his hand chopped off? Or maybe when the crazy witch is blowing her gaskets about the "Painted Man" that "haunts her dreams"? Or how about in Twister, when the "sister" tornados appear...or later in that same movie when the "Dorothy" tips over Helen Hunt finally confronts her past by yelling at Bill Pullman about her dead father?

Lastly, review the film's score or theme song in your mind: How can you lose with Brian Adams, Everything I Do I Do It For You? You can't. The End.

I could go on forever. But I won't.

Love, Cath

Dear Urban Outfitters,

I think I'm officially done. Forever.

Love, Cath

The Crazy Case of the Cross-Crotch


Someone please explain to me why the designers of "Sinful" swimwear have decided to become so reckless in their placement of glittering crosses? It's ridiculous. On the bright side-my pal Cody decided that, to secretly announce the arrival of a Hottie Mom, we can use the code of "looks like someone's got a crazy case of the cross-crotch". Indeed we can.

Dear Carly,

I went on an Ogden adventure today. I wanted to get the black licorice ice cream (as per your recommendation).

But I chickened-out at the last second. I'm always drawn to the white flavors. Relax you guys, I'm not racist.

Love,

Cath